itsbeautifuloutside

Spain v Netherlands

Salvador, 13th June 2014

Match Report

IBO Reporter: Skooba

Del Bosque’s Boys Bossed in Dutch Downpour

Caption writers in the English-speaking world were celebrating last night at the thought of being able to use the phrase Dutch Masters for the next month, as the Netherlands totally kicked Spanish ass.

This, my friends, is what the World Cup is all about: top notch soccerball, stunning goals, rubbish decisions by officials, cools kits, TV close-ups of attractive women, and head-butts.

And better still – ‘cos I’ve never cared for them much – reigning world champions Spain were taken down a peg or seven thanks to a stunning performance by Holland (who I’ve always liked).

It all started a bit predictable, like, as dirty cheating Chelsea-bound Costa won a penalty for Spain on 27 minutes after allowing his carefully placed foot to be dragged away by a hapless Dutch defender – with Alonso cooling slotting the penalty home (COOLY SLOTTING PENALTY HOME CLICHE KLAXON).

But then with a minute of the first half left, Robin van Persie literally flew through the air in the style of a Marvel superhero - Iron Man, possibly - to connect with a long ball and head over the on-coming keeper.

Into the second half, and the Salvador heavens opened up – but this only added to the drama, as Arjen Robben ran riot, scoring two, missing others and generally looking dead cool.

There was even time for DCC-B Costa to head-butt a Dutch defender – which the ref didn’t spot – before further goals for Holland, who played in the best Nike kit seen in a while.

I could also mention goal scorer De Vrij sticking like a magnet to the Spanish attackers, but I can’t think of a way to make in read funny.

Way to go, Holland, although you just know they’ll crash and burn later on – and in your face Spain: you were rubbish.

14.06.2014